布置完作业就听夏神说身体不适,作业的解析是夏神在出差的旅途中抽空写的解析。感谢夏神记得我们的作业,但最重要的是照顾好自己。我们等得久一些没关系。
这是我第一次在群里做中译英练习,说实话,有点犯怵,总觉得我有时连中文结构都理不顺还要译英文,想想就觉得可怕,可夏神都能在百忙之中给我们布置作业以及讲解,我又有什么理由不好好做练习呢?
翻译原文:
风筝起源于中国,在这个国家,制作风筝的理想材料一应俱全。丝织品用来做帆,极具韧性的(high-tensilc-strength)丝线可以制作风筝线,轻盈的骨架则由韧性十足的竹子制成。据说,风筝是墨子和鲁班在公元前5世纪时发明的。在13世纪末期,马可·波罗首次将与风筝有关的故事介绍到欧洲。现在,风筝节已经成为一种流行的娱乐形式,最为著名的就是中国的潍坊风筝节。
参考译文:
Kites originated in China, where ideal materials for making kites were readily available:silk fabric for the sail; high-tensil strength silk thread for the flying string and resilient bamboo for the light framework. It is said that kites were invented by Mo Zi and Lu Ban in the 5th century BC.
Stories of kites were first introduced to Europe by Marco Polo in the late 13th century. Now, kite festivals have become a popular form of entertainment, and the most famous one is China's Weifang Kite Festival.
我的译文:
China is the first country to make kites. All sorts of raw materials can be easily found to make kites in this country. Silk made sail and High-tensilc-strength thread made into the line of kite. Slight kite structure is made of resilient bamboo.
It's said that kite was invented by Mo-tse and Lu Ban (both are masters of crafts in ancient China) in the fifth century BC.
At the end of 13th century, it is the time first that the story of kites are spreaded to the Europe by Marco Polo. Now Kite Festival have become a popular form of amusement, and the most famous kite festival is in Weifang, China.
夏神详解:
①第一句“风筝起源于中国,在这个国家,制作风筝的理想材料一应俱全。”
译不好这一句的原因:在于没认真理解汉语意思。汉语中“在这个国家,制作风筝的理想材料一应俱全” 实际上是修饰“中国”的。属于一种非限定的修饰。
对应的英语,应该使用非限定定语从句,故参考译文用了where引导的定语从句。
“Kites originated in China, where ideal materials for making kites were readily available…”
“风筝起源于中国”我想的是“中国是第一个制作风筝的国家”,所以我的译文为“China is the first country to make kites”,后却没有考虑句子前后是否有联系。需谨记先分析句子结构再动笔翻译。
②夏编巧用介词“for” 。如第一句中的“ideal materials for making kites”。原文是“制作风筝的理想材料”,若用所属格of,如“ideal materials of kites…”本身用法没错,但这样会造成后文或许会变得臃肿。
还有原文“丝织品用来做帆,极具韧性的丝线可以制作风筝线,轻盈的骨架则由韧性十足的竹子制成”的句子,译文同样为“silk fabric for the sail; high-tensil strength silk thread for the flying string and resilient bamboo for the light framework”
字对字翻译以及所属格的使用,这两种用法在该译文中均会造成句子累赘,就如我的译文,而用介词for,整个文本特别流畅简洁。
注意平时应多积累、记忆英语表达,再转变成自己的知识。
③,中华先哲是否要加注释。如文中的“鲁班”(Lu Ban)和“墨子”(Mo Zi, Mo-tse)。考试时可以不加,如果是做专业翻译,则可以加注释。
④,the most famous one is China's Weifang Kite Festival
代词one的使用,代词会让句子简洁生动,
然后国名是可以直接加's的所有格形式再接名词的,如China's Weifang Kite Festival。这种表达新闻报道中很常见。
最后夏编说汉译英最大的窍门就是在于,分析出关键词、句式,然后用你所掌握的英文进行表达。