第一周

课程 内在如何应对有压力的模式

What choice will most serve the needs that are alive? Do I want to continue with my stress reaction or do I want to do something else?

什么选择最能为鲜活的需要服务？我想要继续我的应激反应，还是想要做不同的选择？

If we don’t have compassion for these reactions, then we may need to practice Self-Empathy first, so we become familiar with the Needs that are there.

如果我们对这些自动化反应没有慈悲，随后我们可能需要先进行自我同理，这样能够更熟悉它背后的需要。

homework of week 1: be aware of the habitural reaction

steps：

1. When under stress, take a breath.

2. Notice what kind of stress reaction you’re having (fight, flight, freeze, flood, fade, follow). Name it.

3. See the thought train.

4.Feel the feelings there.

5.Identify the needs that are expressing themselves in your body.

6.Breathe.

7.Make a new choice.

**This exercise combines self-emoathy exercise and awareness of habitural reaction.

**Do at least twice of the exercise before next class. 

本周练习：留意自己的惯常应激反应模式。

    1、在遇到压力时，练习的第一步是深呼吸

2、留心你想要进入的应激反应模式什么（战斗、逃跑、冻结、情绪泛滥、虚脱、放弃自主意志），为你的应激反应模式命名

    3、留意你的头脑被什么想法牵着走（登上了哪个念头的火车）。

    4、充分体会当下你的身体感觉。

    5、识别你的身体正在表达的需要（识别和连接当下燃烧的需要。）

    6、再做一次深呼吸。

    7、做出新的选择。

**本练习结合了自我同理的练习和对惯常应激反应模式的觉察。

**在下次课前至少做两次本周练习。

课后觉察

纳服通知的企业和实际来的企业不一致时，很着急、不耐烦的去解决。身体，被情绪淹没，大脑充血，身体紧张僵硬，心里很急。情绪波动，一般发生在事情没有如期待发生时。

困惑 不能当时停下来 换一种应对方式

拥抱真实自我（一）

杰西：

Start this journey with you。Just a kid。Thank you，everybody。 I find that welcome everybody here with my partner Catherine。 We do this work together。 Really I'm just really grateful that we have this opportunity to work with you as a partnership with this work because I find that having our voices together helps bring out more of the fullness of what's possible this work and and gives so much more than either one of us can give on our own。非常欢迎大家。谢谢第一次 summer kite还有我的伙伴，我的伴侣Catherine。这项工作是我和Catherine共同完成的，我很感激有这样一个机会，我们两个人共同来和大家分享我们的东西，觉得这让我们的所分享的内容变得更加的完整。

And in this course，we're excited to work with all of you have been working with the self-empathy practices to ticket farther and deeper so that you can find even more freedom in your life and your own practice of this of and feel ultimately feel more Free to be yourself exactly who you are。

我们非常兴奋，在这一次课程中会和大家一起来进一步深入的探索自我同理，我们希望带着这样的一种智慧，就可以让我们从中找到更大的自由，最终真正的解放自己。

I wanna invite Catherine to bring in her voicelead us into today's class，lead us into the course。我想邀请 Catherine现在来说句话，然后她来带领我们开始进入今天的课程。

Catherine：

Good morning。Good afternoon。Good evening。Standing on where you sit on the planet can？大家早上好，下午好，晚上好，这个是我就发现我们在同一个地球上，可能我们要习惯的一种打招呼的方式。I'm appreciating that today's class。We're focusing on our reactions and our responses。When something happens and we might respond with fighting or freezing out of fear or fleeing。Flying because we're afraid。我很高兴我们今天的主题是一起来看一下，当有一些事情发生，让我们自己会进入一个要么是反抗，要么逃跑，要么僵住这样的一个状态的时候，我们一起看一下，当这些事情真实发生的时候，我们身体会有怎样的一个反应？

Because the 15 minutes before this class was Jesse and I having to put into practice everything because everything was going wrong。We had wrong time because of the time change。The technology wasn't working。 I was took around my sleeping 5 year old，trying not to wake her up。我为什么说今天这个主题很恰如其分，很巧妙，是因为在这节课前的15分钟，其实我跟杰西是真的要在生活里去锻炼我们即将要跟大家分享的这些练习，因为我们这边刚好经历了一系列乱七八糟的事，我们的时间订了10个表，应该是调前了一个小时是吧？

然后这边的技术出现了一些问题，以及同时我5岁的孩子又睡着了，我要很尽力的不要让他醒过来。 Every time just said。 The iPad cord，it's it was right by my daughter's head where she's sleeping。I will fill myself。 I have to remember my practice。所以刚才你突然问我们的iPad那条线在哪，我突然发现就在我们女儿正在睡觉的头旁边，我突然间全身感到一阵紧张，然后我突然间就想起来我们这5年做的这个练习，这让我自己回到自我连接的状态。

I'm grateful now we get to do of full practice together。所以现在我感到非常感恩，我们现在可以跟大家一起来做一个完整的自我连接，自我同理的练习。 It's a good reminder that we're not perfect。其实我们刚才说的这个事情也提醒我们没有一个人是很完美的，我们还没有去到完美。And we have these amazing practices we can utilize when things start to get chaotic。而如果我们的生活开始出现一些混乱的时候，我们现在有了如此美妙的一些工具，一些练习可以帮助我们。

Because my deep attention it's not because of technology or running late or trying not with the child，my deep attention is carrying from my country being an election，there being real chaos in my country， worry for my family and that carries with me。

因为我表面上似乎是担心着技术上有问题，或者是担心我们会迟到，还担心不要把孩子吵醒，这些担心的背后事实上是由于我在担心其他的更深层次的东西。比如，我们国家现在在选举中，我们的国家陷入了一种混乱，以及还有我也会为我的家庭担心，很多的一些担心都在同时发生着。

I get to be extra。Mine for in the moment where my husband didn't get the time right or the times on correct and I only have15 minutes for class that I don't go and explode with all that tension I'm carrying。I get to remember my practice。所以如果在我本来就已经在比较紧张的边缘时，突然通知我，我们只剩下15分钟就要上课了，还有很多事情同时在发生，我就感觉好像那种紧张的情绪要爆发了。I wanna invite everyone into a mindful of practice。Right now。所以现在我想邀请所有人跟我一起来做一个正念练习。

If you're driving just don't close your eyes，keep your eyes open。如果你现在正在开车的话，你不需要闭上眼睛的，你可以继续打开眼睛做练习。 You can still I often do a lot of this practice while driving because it's finally a chance for me to quiet my mind and my heart and connect with myself。其实我自己也经常在开车的时候来自我连接，因为我发现开车的时候也是难得的一个处在一个安静当中，我可以身心一起安静下来。

（一）念头的冥想

I invite you to let go of anything in your hands。我邀请大家现在放下你手中的任何的东西。Allow yourself to sit on your cushion，on the set。and even more driving or where you are，you can kind of we go it's fine to get a sense of strength on your own body，all the new。允许自己稳稳的坐在椅子上,即使你正在开车，或者你在其他的一些地方都没有关系，诚实的去感知你的身体正在稳稳的承托着你的全身的力量。

Name by YouTube，open up your lines and take a deep breath，really settle in where you are。give a little roll to your shoulders。Just a weekend。A little bit more energy around your lungs。Good evening。No，you had side。As we move into stones，allowing ourselves，pay attention，yourself the weekend you notice all the different that move around in the line when we finally get quiet。现在有请想邀请大家打开你的肺，来一次深深的呼吸，无论在什么地方。你可以稍稍的转动一下你的肩膀，移动一下。好像多了一点点的动感，让你的肺部能够活动，能够扩大一些。尝试给自己更多的一些空间。此刻来关爱一下自己。

然后随着你自己慢慢的进入到一种安定的状态，可以开始去留意一下，此刻你的脑中会浮现怎样的一些想法呢？去留意所有的各种冒出来的想法。I'm just notice the thoughts like witnessing a train go by。We have choice to not get on to that train。Just let it go by尝试去看到那些想法，如同是在你眼前有一辆火车经过。

When anyone of those thoughts tries to invite you on board，let's take a break and return to the stones。如果有任何的想法，很想邀请你登上那辆想法的火车，深呼吸。然后允许自己重新回到静止安定的状态。Just noticing on the mind once to distract any attached to a particular thought，jump on board that train again，just really and return with a stomach。当你的头脑中有一些想法，还想去让你分心，还想把你邀请到那样想法的火车上。同样这一次的只看着他，看着他死过，然后让自己重新回到安定的状态。

As we said，we began to notice that this is the very first step and stopping any chain reaction in ourselves。I can you repeat we begin to notice。But this is the very first step and stopping any chain reaction in ourselves，noticing the thought that is trying to get us to attach and go along with it。随着我们慢慢的在这样的一种安定当中，您是觉察到其实我们能够让自己不会跳入一种连锁的自动反应机制的第一步。

第一步，我们要去看到我们有没有被脑中的任何想法带着走，会不会太执着于脑中的某一个想法，然后被带走了。We begin to notice。But even though very still，our mind continues to be I can't quite hear you just now。We use whatever is there。Whatever comes in，whatever sound outside or inside。And then can we breathe and keep creating space in ourselves。this becomes the first step，breathing in，breathing out before the year。就是说我们两个人在那儿，然后我们也许可以就用任何的听到的声音，像刚才突然间闯入来的声音，这些都是一个我们的练习的机会，都可以去尝试你能否回到呼吸，然后给自己创造空间，回到自己的空间。这其实是我们的第一步，无论遇到什么事情，在我们做出反应之前，我们先呼气吸气。

thank you for sitting with me。谢谢，跟我一起做练习。

At the moment，we're gonna break into groups of2 to give some time to share。What about you to this class to show to share with my why you want to take this class。好，待会我们会把大家分成两人一个小组，希望在两个小组里面大家分享一下，你为什么想参加这次的课程呢？ I want to share just quickly that train metaphor came to me when I was teaching mind fullness in kindergarten classes of 30and50kids。

我想很快的分享一下。其实我刚才想到了用行驶过的火车来比喻，我们脑中经常会跳过那些想法，事实上是我在教我的那些幼儿园的孩子们时，得到的一个灵感。And we will sit together afterwards I would ask the kids，did you get on any trains？我们到时候大家一起坐在一起，然后在静坐之后我就问他们，我们刚才有没有登上了任何一辆火车。 There was always one kid that would say，yes。I was thinking about noodles。

然后总会有这么至少一个孩子说，我刚刚不断的在想着要吃面条， now I like to say，don't get on the noodle train。Breathe，be still。所以我可能就会说下一次你就不要登上这条面条的火车，我们回到静止的状态。So imagine if we had this practice from when we were 5 years old。好，所以想象一下，imagine we had this practice since we were 5 years old，Have few noodle trains and get on。所以想象一下，如果我们自己在自己曾经的5岁的时候，就有这类似的练习话，也许我们会少很多登上这样的一些面条的火车。

（二）分组分享为什么来到这个课程（4-5人，共15分钟）

So summer I think it's gonna help break us into small groupsoffour or five and I'd like you to take this time to introduce yourself to each other，share why you would like to take this class，what what's the meaning for you？What do you want to learn？ What are you here for？4-5人一个小组，大家进入小组之后，首先介绍一下你是谁、来自哪里，然后分享一下你为什么参加这次课程，你想希望学习到一些什么，或者说你来这里是为了什么样的需要呢？

（三）对自动化反应模式的探讨

One of the things we wanted to talk about is in this today's class is we call the fight flight，freeze response，the reactive response。在今天的课程中我们要探讨的是战斗、逃跑和冻结这样的反应模式。

And the way we can connect this to our self-empathy practices，those of you have been practicing self-empathy for some time now may have noticed that you have certain patterns of reacting the situations。In other words， in multiple situations，when you're under stress，you tend to go to the similar kinds of patterns of thinking and feeling。这个和我们的自我同理练习之间的关系是什么呢？在练习自我同理的时候，可能有时候你会发现自己有一些反复会出现的自动化的反应模式。换句话说，在不同的情境中，当我们感到有压力的时候，我们可能会发现自己会用类似的或者同样的反应模式去应对。 If you is in a the previous courses did some of the core belief work or looking at your own history，how that's influenced your responses。You may also now have more awareness to about where those responses come from。在之前的课程中，我们提到了一些自己的核心信念，我们去回看，在我们的成长历史中可能会形成哪一些核心信念，这样导致我们在面对一些情境的时候，会有一些自动化的模式出来。

For example， in my own practice of notice that one of my responses to stress is to try to do to do more and more to try to fix the situation。我就发现在我练习时，当我面对压力时，我的一个自动化反应就是我想要做更多、越来越多去修正我所面对的状况。 Ii again know from my own practices and imprinting from my mother who her response to anxiety is to try to solve the issue。我的反应模式也是从我的妈妈那里继承来的，她在面对压力的时候也会是这样的反应模式，会想做的更多去解决这个问题。

Knowing that helps me to have more compassion and acceptance for myself。了解到这一点，我就会对自己有了更多的慈悲和接受。

But when when life is moving very quickly， I don't necessarily have time in the moment to go into a deep sense of self connection with my own history in my past around those reactions。In those moments，it's helpful for me to have a kind of shorthand practice。A practice that's that kind of sums up the kinds of reactions II might be having and and a way to turn towards these reactions in a way that changes my response。有时因为时间是我可能没有太多的时间在当下，马上去进入一个特别深入的自我连接，去了解我的背景，我的过往对现在的影响。在当下我就会用一些快速的自我连接的方式，帮助我重新选择我的反应方式。

For that it's helpful for me to have a little bit of a sense of what my quick reaction。当然通过这样的一些方式，我就会发现我的能够快速我的自动化的反应模式是什么， in psychology，we know the there's some typical kinds of stress responses people have。在心理学的方面，我们知道人在面对应激状况或者压力的时候，会有一些固定的一些反应模式。

The three typical ones that talked about our fight，flight and freeze。

有三种典型的模式，就是战斗，逃跑和冻结。And so you can see in the flight。So when someone it comes under stress was triggered。You might find yourself going towards one of those kinds of reactions。你会发现当有人在面对压力被压力刺激到的时候，外界刺激到的时候，就会进入到或者战斗或者逃跑或者冻结这样的自动化的反应模式里去。Fine meaning。Try to argue or fight the situation。战斗意味着说尝试想要去争辩争论，或者说跟发生的情境去对抗。Freeze meaning。Your mind goes blank，your body goes blank。You don't know what to do。You literally feel completely frozen，paralyzed，冻结就好像是大脑不思考了，身体也手脚不知道该往哪里放。从字面意思上来讲，好像整个人像冻住了一样。

Flight meaning you just wanna get away from the situation，ignore it，run away from it，avoid it。Whatever you can avoid the situation。逃跑就意味着说我们想要去逃避，或者是避免说在处在这样的情境里边不想去面对它。

In more recent psychology，they also added three other kinds of responses。在最近的心理学界，他们又增加了三种其他的反应模式。What is flight being？Flooded，overwhelmed with emotions，full of emotions。一种就是被情绪所掩盖所淹没或者说情绪泛滥。Another is a fade like you get really tired，sleepy and just wanna go for now，just start to fall asleep。另外一种就是人好像变得特别的虚脱虚弱，就觉得很疲惫疲劳或者想要去睡觉。

The last one is follow or become submissive。They give up all your power，your world power，and just or follow whatever the person is doing， even letting them manipulate your body。另外一种好像就像是我们就变得很顺从，然后放弃了自己所有的这种意志力或者这种对自己的一种决定权自主等等，就变得随波逐流，就是随他去了。 First of all，I'm just going to just take a quick check and go through each of these six。I'm curious for each of you to self assess，as you hear about this six with responding。First to go self reflection in this moment，what you find is your own self reaction。You're on habitual reaction。首先我想让大家来做一点点自我反思，就是来看一看在之上我们所列的6种反应模式里边，我们自己常常会去到的是哪一种反应模式。

Raise your hand or your blue hand if your typical reaction is to fight a situation when you're stressed，大家可以点一下拦手举手，或者是在屏幕面前这样举手，如果你是战斗模式的话， raise your hand if your typical responses to freeze become paralyzed。如果你的反应模式是冻结，就请举一下手。 Now，raise your hand if you typical responses to to avoid，to flee，to run away，to try to ignore or avoid the situation。

如果你的反应模式是要逃跑，或者尽量避免这样的状况发生，请举一下手。A lot of hands for that one。我发现这个模式有很多人 now raise your hand if you tend to become flooded，just overwhelmed with emotions when you're under stress reacting。And then raise your hand。如果在压力下自己的典型反应是被情绪所吞没所淹没的话，请举一下手。

If you tend to fade，you tend to get become sleepy and tired and wanna take a nap when you are flooded with someone when you have a reaction。如果你的典型反应模式是觉得很虚脱很困很累，想要睡觉请举一下手。不好意思。 I actually have that reaction a lot。我经常会有这样的反应。

Finally，how many of you tend？ Go into following，giving up all your willpower and just letting yourself be completely used and manipulated when you're under stress。如果你是在压力状况下会变得很顺服很顺从，然后放弃自己的意志，就随他而去，随着情况的发展，然后就随他而去了。请举一下手。

I'm really appreciating seen this because what this tells me seen the number of hands，all of this is that most of you，if not all of you have a lot of awareness about your typical reaction to To stress。我非常感激看到大家的手。这意味着对于绝大多数人来讲，如果说不是所有人的话，对大家的自动反应模式或者常见的模式是有觉察的。And That's really the most important thing in terms of being able to transform that reaction。It's just to know the pattern。因为觉察是我们能够去真正的转化我们这些模式的起点。Catherine，would you like to do this is that we were doing in the meditation the mind from this practice at the beginning of was learning to notice we didn't have to get on any one of those trains of thoughts。

所以这就如同我们在这节课开始做的正念练习时说的，我们要练习去留意自己的所有的想法，然后留意自己不要随便上到任何一个想法，被这个想法牵着走，这个是很好的第一步。

Because as we began to notice，then we've recognized that thought again，that's about fighting that thought again。That's about just shutting down and going away。We begin to recognize our patterns within ourselves。因为随着我们更多的自我觉察，我们会慢慢发现会留意到自己更多的一种反应机制的模式，原来此刻我要进入到一个战斗的状态，此刻我又想要逃避了，又不想面对这个场景了。

Like this morning。When Jesse turned to me and said you don't have an hour，you have15 minutes because we got the time wrong with the time change。I saw familiar train of thought，go through my mind。 Jesse shouldn't be in charge of time he doesn't get that and I caught myself because I can see my fight response come in。那就如同今天早上当我丈夫告诉我说，我们今天的课前没有一个小时了，我们只剩下15分钟了，因为我们把时间搞错了，因为时间转换的原因。然后在那一刻我突然间看到我脑中驶过一辆非常熟悉的火车，那就是一个想法是 Jesse应该是要为这个时间了负责的，他应该要为这个课程负责的。那一刻，我看到那个火车，我就让自己停下来。没有立刻进入到那种要战斗的一个状态。

The very thought，the very reaction of fight became like a mind from the style to tell me to breathe。To slow down。My response my reaction。

所以在你觉察到自己进入到某一个反应机制，就是说一个战斗机制的那一刻开始，它就是一个提醒我们可以现在停下来做一个正念的自我连接。提醒自己慢下来，可以不用那么快进入到自动反应机制里。And in the length of breathing in and breathing out，I found I could choose how I wanted to react in that moment。而仅仅是在我做一个深呼吸的这个时间以内，我就已经发现我是拥有选择权的，我可以去选择我怎么样对当下这个场景做出主动的反应。

杰西：

I appreciate the Catherine。Because I think it really highlights How does having this knowledge of our habitual reactions help with a quicker response to transforming how we're going to respond。because with captain awareness of just noticing that she has thoughts which are coming from the place of fight was enough to remind her to turn towards her practice。

我觉得刚刚Catherine 的补充很棒，因为她让我们很明显的看到，当我们更多的去做这个练习，去觉察到自己的反应机制，其实是能够加快我们从自己的自动反应机制中跳出来的速度。就像刚才开会你说，仅仅是他只是留意到了他开始想要进入到战斗的自动模式，这一个想法或者这一个觉察，就已经足够让他可以发现自己仍然有其他的选择可以去转向，它有了选择权去选则自己的反应机制。

In the same situation this morning here。When I notice that I got that time wrong because of the time change，I immediately started moving into my fixing mode，trying to move very quickly to try to fix the situation。而在刚刚描述的同一个场景之下，也就是今天早上，当我发现我把时间搞错了，因为我们的时区变换我没有调整过来，我立刻进入到了一个要解决问题的，快速解决问题的这么一种惯常模式当中的。

I could feel the tension in my body rising。我能够感觉到我全身都紧张起来了。 I noticed that I was going into a combination of my sight。My reaction together。I could feel I was trying to fight the situation and I was also trying to avoid it run away from it。然后我觉得自己是进入了一种战斗和逃跑结合的状态，也就是我既想要去跟它抗争，又想要逃避当下的一个场景，一种符合型的一种状态。

For me，we help me to then shift the response was to breathe and start to feel my senses again to allow myself to feel my feet on the ground，to feel my hands when I was touching。That was enough to too early shift out of my reactive habitual response。但当我深呼吸，以及重新去感受我身体的感官系统，感觉我的脚站在大地上，感觉到我的手有怎样的触感。而仅仅是这么做，其实已经足以帮助我可以从原来那种习惯性的反应，即自动反应机制的模式跳出来，去到一个更加自我连接的处在当下的，能够行动的一个模式。

Catherine：

In a moment for me，when I noticed the familiar reaction of fight and blame。I took a breath， I was able to turn toward the practice。I have of asking myself is this the most important thing right now？ In that moment？No。 I was able then to turn towards what was the most important thing and that was getting ready for class。而对我而言，当我发现了那辆很熟悉的战斗模式的火车经过，我的自动模式是想要开口去责怪对方，当时我就深呼吸，然后我就能够转化出来，跳出来然后问自己，这个是此刻最重要的事情吗？

那很显然我立刻能够得到一个答案，并不是最重要的事情，此刻最重要的事情当然就是赶紧准备上课。Because of the work I do in the world。And because of my history，fight has been a very good，passionate response to keep me safe and keep other safe。 I don't want to make that wrong。But what i've done is created a request to ask myself to check in is this the most important thing right now？ I can know whether that response to fight。It's truly trying to meet me。Or is this a habit of fear？ Then I can check in and then I go have it。 Then I can change direction。

其实也不要认为说我这么说，好像觉得我们那种要战斗的反应机制就是错误的。因为在我工作的经验以及我的个人历史，都说明其实有的时候战斗这种模式是能够保护我自己的安全的，只不过，当我们处在某一个情绪激动的场景下，如果能够暂停，然后去问一下自我连接的内心，现在去战斗去指责是一个最好最重要的事情吗？他是否是一个出于自我连接的，真正能够满足需要的一个好的策略，还是说它只是一个恐惧后的习惯性的自动反应？好像今天早上我问了自己之后，我就知道这只是一个习惯的反应，这就足以让我跳出来了。

杰西：

What Catherine pointing to is？What patterns pointing to that the when we have done our self empathy work and developed a greater awareness。Then when they come up， we recognize them in the moment。We can make a different choice without judgment towards our past。We can have compassion for reactions。We can understand where they came from。 We don't need to spend a lot of time to continue to do self compassion at that moment。We can just simply make a different choice。

刚才Catherine的补充，实际上我们看到当我们做自我同理做到一定程度，我们可以觉察到自己的哪些是我们的惯常反应机制，当我们回到现实生活中，遇到一些实际的场景，然后激发了自己这种反应时，我们就可以随时暂停，然后让自己可以做出一个不一样的选择。

而不需要在那一刻还要去跟过去去评判一下过去形成的策略是对还是错还是怎么样，就不需要在那一刻还要跟我自己的过去做一个自我同理慈悲的处理，而是可以更好的做一个当下的自主的选择。

For example，when I notice my own stress reaction of trying to run away from the situation through fixing it or solving it。I can take a breath and make a different choice that moment without without consciously even identify what my needs were for that stress reaction。I don't need to do the self empathy practice in that moment to think about what are my needs in that moment。I just know I know where that response comes from and I know where it leads to。I'm gonna choose something different。比如对我来说，当我处在一种大的压力之下，我会很自动的进入到一种我要快速解决问题的这么一种惯常模式。

而如果我有了之前自我连接之后，当每次我再进入到这种自动反应机制时，我就不需要在那一刻还要去再做一个深层次的自我连接，去看一下以前是怎么形成的，它其实是为了想要满足我的哪些需要，不需要去同理它，只不过我可以让我看到原来除了自动反应，我还有其他的一些选择，我可以做出一个不一样的选择。

I think the points on a highlight as you go，take a moment practice as a group we wanna first become aware of what are reactive responses are the fight，flight，freeze，flood，fade，follow。我想强调一下，待会大家做练习的点。第一步，觉察自己的一个习惯性的反应机制是什么？是战斗逃跑、冻结还是还有泛滥，虚脱顺从。

We can use as a reminder to take a breath，to come into presence，our body。以后当我们进入这种惯常的反应机制时，把它看作是一个提醒，提醒自己此刻要深呼吸，要回到当下。And then from there，we can choose a different response。We can make a request of ourselves to do something that will completely shift our relating to the situation。如果有了觉察，我们就可以看到我们在那一刻其实是可以有其他的反应方式，也就是可以帮助自己从以前的惯常模式中跳出来，看到自己的选择性。

But for example，Catherine asked yourself，is this the most important thing that was which he chose and that was what shifted her。 For example，I chose to put my attention to my senses，to feel what was going on in my hands on my feet。 That was what shifted for me。如果是在那一刻，可以有不同的方式来帮助自己，从惯常模式中跳出来，比如Catherine，她分享的方式就是自己问自己说，如果去战斗是不是此刻最重要的事？而对于我的场景，我就会在那一刻呼吸，然后把注意力放在自己的感官、感觉体会上面，这些是能够帮助回到自己的中心，回到当下的一个方式。

（四）自动化反应模式的自我觉察练习

杰西：

what we're gonna do is gonna go through practice。And then we'll have some time to take questions after。right now where you are just my ears。 Take a moment，take a breath。现在我会邀请大家进入一个小组的练习，在小组练习之后开放一个提问时间，现在无论你在哪里，请大家一起来深呼吸。Invite you to bring to mind the situation in your own life。 Something recent that happened that produce your stress response for one of your stress responses。我想你现在回想一件最近发生的事情，这件事情发生在你的生活当中，当时触发了你的惯性反应机制 give you a minute now just to recall the situation，现在给大家一分钟的时间，来回想这样一个的场景。

See if you can remember one of the things that happened， something someone said or something someone did that first trigger your reaction，看看能否回想起当时候这件事的一些细节，就是说最开始是发生了什么事，譬如说是某人说了什么话，做了什么事情，他的行为或话语触发了你进入到刚才说的惯性反应机制当中，the best you can remember that moment。Remember that moment when that thing was said or that thing happened。大家尽量做就可以了。尽量的去回想一下，在那一个时刻，某个人说了什么做了什么，触发你的这些反应支持的。

As you remember that situation，as you remember what happened？What do you remember as your stress response？好的。在你回想起了这个场景之后，现在请想一下，你当时候的惯性反应机制是什么？当时的场景是什么。 For example，did you try to fight the situation？举例，你当时是想要抗争、对抗对方吗？Did you freeze up to become paralyzed or not？Know what to do。还是说你那时就冻结了，你完全不知道该做什么，完全什么都做不了。Did you try to avoid run away the Free the situation。 还是说你那时很想要逃开，躲开，当做什么也没发生。Did you become flooded with the motions？Overwhelmed with emotions。还是说你当时候完全被情绪淹没了？Did you start to feel tired and sleepy？还是说你变得虚脱？有点的累、想睡觉。Where do you find yourself following the meeting giving over all your will power in this situation。还是最后是你在那一刻变得非常的顺从，你完全放弃了自己的主动权，你完全任由对方做，随便他想做的任何事情。

Fill in your body。Even if it's you can only bring it a little bit。Your reaction now，what were you？How are you reacting？How are you feeling a moment？现在也许你回想起这件事情的时候，你的身体也会产生当时类似的感觉。你身体有什么样的感觉呢？感受一下此刻你的身体的感觉。What are some of the feelings，your body sensations you feel？When you have that reaction？Feel in your body， What happens when you have that reaction？当你进入应激反应之后，你的身体有怎样的感受感觉或情绪呢？现在请充分的去体会你的身体的感觉， notice forever feels。身体的哪个部位、哪个地方有着怎样的一个感受？

Are there any thoughts present？ Do any thoughts come up when you're in the state of reaction？在那一刻进入应急反应机制的时候，脑中会不会呈现出一些什么想法呢？有没有一些想法是很明显的？What noodle train is your mind on？你的头脑到时候是上了一辆怎样的面条火车呢？now take a deep breath and rest your attention on your breathing for a moment。然后现在请深呼吸，并且把你的注意力放在你的呼吸上， and make a choice。What's something you can do in this moment to change that response。然后作出选择。你觉得此刻你可以做些什么？可以也许是跟应激反应是不一样的。

For example，do you want to continue practicing self empathy and identify the needs that are there？比如说你是否想要继续练习自我连接，去看一下应急机制背后是想要去服务你的哪些需要。 Was it feeling good to come into your senses and just feel what's going on in your body and breathe with that？或者还是说你想要继续去感知自己身体的感官、感觉和自己呼吸的感觉，希望把注意力更多的放在这些上面， or would it be helpful to introduce a different kind of thought a question for yourself？Like what's most important right now？ 还是说也许在那一刻你问自己一个问题，产生一些转化，譬如说问自己这种方式是不是处理这个问题最好的方式？

this practice is one we can do in any moment of reaction。刚才说的练习当我们任何时候进入到惯常的应急反应时，我都可以去做。Before familiar with our stress reactions，then we may not need to spend much time noticing the feelings and thoughts。We may just recognize as soon as we feel that first bit of tension or that first thought that comes in，如果你对自己的应急模式足够熟悉的话，其实很可能不需要花很多时间去做自我连接，所谓的去连接自己的感受想法等等。你感觉到自己身体进入到某种紧张的感觉，或者是你的头脑中浮现出了一个很熟悉的想法，你可能就已经知道我进入到了那种应急模式了， if we know the pattern，then we can draw on all the practices we know as creative choices of alternative responses we can make instead of following the same pattern。

而一旦我们能够对自己的惯常模式有了更多的觉察，那就意味着我们可以有更多的有创意的一些选项，可以不一定要像以前惯常的那样子来去对当下作出反应，而我们有了很多其他的选择。

Some of those choices，Also relational。For example，you might find that actually the most helpful thing to shift your reaction in that moment is to choose to empathize with the other person。很可能你可以去做的一些其他的选择，包括一些跟关系有关的一些行为，也许会发现有一个选择是对你们当下的关系很有帮助的，那就是你可以选择去聆听，去倾听，同理倾听对方。

I want to give you one last choice。 We haven't talked about before we open up for questions。然后我想在打开提问环节之前，我想再提供最后一个选择给大家。It's one of the things you might choose in the moment is to make a request of the other person in my choose。Would you be willing2 empathize with me or would you be willing to take a pause here。So I can have some space to self emphasize。最后一个选项，也许在你进入到惯常反应模式之后，你可以在那一刻向对方提一个请求，你是否愿意此刻来同理倾听一下我或者是你是否愿意让我们现在的对话暂停，我需要一些时间来做自我连接。

The reminder here is the we don't have to do everything all ourselves。There are moments where we need help。 If we need help，it's helpful to be willing to ask for that help。另外，其实是一个很好的提醒，即，其实我们不需要把所有事情都扛在自己肩上，觉得我们要自己处理所有的事情，很多时候我们确实需要帮助的，而如果你想要得到帮助的话，要开口，提请求是一个很重要的一步。

I'll say more about that when we introduce some homework，you can do this week。

For practice， but I want to pause here，see if Catherine wants to add anything and then open it up for questions。

我对于这一点我会在给大家留这周的作业练习的时候说多一些，不知道Catherine你是不是要保补充？

Catherine：

I wanna that this is a gift。我想补充的其实这是一份礼物。

In my study of non violence，I have studied and look at。We don't want to cause harm。 The goal is to not cause harm。在我学习NVC的时候，我学习到其实我们这么做都是为了我们不希望造成伤害。In that moment when about to react？When I stop， I make a request of myself for the other person。That's a gift。It's a gift of non violence。Because I'm stopping myself for many harm I like because所以如果在我即将要进入到自己的惯常反应之前，我对自己以及对对方提出一个请求的话，这事实上是一份礼物。这是一份邀请大家用非暴力的模式处理问题的一种邀请。因为那一刻我是把自己停下来，停止去做任何可能会伤害，无论是自己还是对方的一些事情。

Because even when we shrink or failure go away。That can cause harm。So the people we love因为即使你的反应机制是逃脱，是要离开对方，其实这对对方来说都很可能是一种伤害。When that moment I'm giving again，by making money class。所以在那一刻你要相信，如果你开口去提请求，这其实是你在给予一份礼物。 It's the NVC request。Please help me make life more wonderful right now。这个是非暴力沟通的一个说法，就是请求其实就是一个邀请，请你帮助我，让我们的生活变得更美好。

I'm gonna respond。 For you。I see you wrote in the chat I find it hard。The amplifies with the other person if I don't deal with my emotions first。然后我留意到聊天框里写了这么一句话，说我发现如果我没有处理好我自己的情绪的话，我很难去同理对方。The part of the gift。It's catching myself。 Then I might even be able to get the gift the same。I can't emphasize with you right now until I take a moment to connect with myself。所以如果是这种情况的话，你可以提出这样的一个请求，而这个请求也是一份礼物，就是跟对方说，我可能此刻没办法同理你，因为我需要一些时间来做自我同理。

I'm smiling because I think Jesse and I said that exact thing to each other many times，there's no way were always available to advertise with each other。我正在笑，因为其实我和Jesse也经常很多次进入到这种场景当中，我们同时都跟对方说我需要暂停一下来做一下自我同理，因为确实很多时候发生的事情，我们在当下很难去同理对方。

（五）答疑

杰西：

We have an opportunity here for one or two questions if anybody has a burning question from during the practice。

现在我想要开放提问环节，有没有一两个问题是关于即将要做的练习，有疑问的，有不明白的地方的？有这样的问题吗？I see man's hand is so up。So much if you want to check in and see if that's a question。Still feel very curious about the six way of the facing the pressure he thinks that we have an assumption that this six way of handing the pressure is not not quite all right。Therefore，we need to stop in order to make another choice。 But at the same time I heard Catherine mentioned that probably some way is to protect us yes，I want to hear more about this part。

提问人summer：

关于6种应激反应的问题，因为好像我们把这6种列出来了，就好像有一种假设，觉得这6种是一个错误的一种形式，但是刚才Catherine好像也简短的提到过说这里没有对错，甚至很多时候这些应急模式是能够保护到我们的，所以我想听多一些关于这6个反应机制的看法。

杰西：

I love。But you brought that name。我非常开心你把问题提出来， it's that connection needs。We can begin to understand what the reaction is connected to。 Then we get to create the actual choice that fight is really important right now。I think i'll continue。反正 gonna be offering what really needs right now。I take a breath， I change my reaction。The most and passionate。Then we can do allowing ourselves to know these reactions have compassion for why we even began to have them in our lives and then create the space of choice about whether we do the reaction or something else。

我想最关键的是要去做自我连接，意识到能够理解6个反应，也就应急模式是否在某件事情发生的当下是一个最佳的选项。如果我问自己说，此刻确实是去战斗、去抗争，这是最好的一个方式，能够保护我自己，我就继续用这种方式来反应。

但如果那一刻我连接到自己之后发现，这并不是能够满足我们所有需要的一种策略的话，我就可以给自己创造一个更多的空间，去做真正能够去满足需要的那些选择，我就可以有机会改变我的反应方式。

所以很重要的一种同理自己、对自己慈悲的方式是去理解我是如何一开始慢慢发展出这种应激反应的，然后在后来的事情发生的时候，当下又能够给自己创造足够的空间，让自己看到我原来还有其他的选择。This is what I love about the deep self empathy work and really connecting things。Everything，even my reactions to me，because everything is in service of the need。 At the same time I want to be most in service to myself and everyone I love。 I get to really create the spaces。So I can actively choose how I'm responding to meet those names。所以我想为什么我那么喜欢深度自我连接的这项工作和练习，因为它就是一切都在讲连接这个事情，即使是我们经常会说我们所有的行为都是为了服务需要的，只不过某一些行为策略，在某一个时刻不一定是那些满足最多需要的最佳方法而已。

所以我希望当我在某些特定场景下，我能够很主动的去选择最能够满足我自身和我爱的人的所有需要的那些最佳的一个策略，给自己创造这样一个选择的空间。

I'm curious，may I want to check？Did I help？ Did I make it worse？我想确认一下这个有回答到你疑问吗？还是说会让你更困惑了？

Summer：

Yes，you have answered my question，thank you。谢谢。谢谢。There。One more question based on today's course。有没有关于今天的课程和今天练习的疑问。

同学2：I have a similar question。 Sometimes I find just like I want to debate or say argue something。And I hope I read I have already find I want to debate。I catch the idea。 Ii think I catch trains。But at the same time I still want to debate and as Catherine said， I see it。And I see it will contribute to some of the but it's violence。Ii can feel the texture or state energy is a little bit violence。 I can stop。 I just don't want to stop。

I don't know what happened，but sometimes I can stop。Often II want to go on though would you have the similar experience or what would you do at that time？有时候我发现我想跟别人去辩论，然后我也知道我自己在想跟别人辩论，我甚至都抓住了这个念头，但是我就是不想停下来，甚至我都知道辩论的方式是不太贡献到给非暴力的，但是好像我还是想继续，我就想知道老师有没有遇到这样的情况，以及你们会怎么去面对。

Catherine：

Because you just describe my husband，I'm going to have an answer。因为你刚刚其实描述了我丈夫的一个反应机制，所以我想邀请他来回答。

杰西：

I'm laughing because I think Catherine has been on the receiving end of me wanted to debate a lot。我在笑，因为咖啡真的发现我经常想要辩论的。This happens a lot between myself，Michelle。Yes。And the first thing I say is we keep doing these patterns until we've suffered enough。 Let me decide to change其实我想回应的是，我们会继续坚持自己的一些惯常反应机制，直到我们发现这会给我们带来足够多的痛苦，可能你就有动力、动机去改变你的反应机制了。

We've created enough misery。We know that we don't wanna go down that road anymore。当我们自己创造了足够多的让双方很痛苦的场景的话，我就知道我再也不想再走上这同一条路了。 In my case，it's also help me to really recognize deeply where that imprinting came from in my life。而对我来说，帮助我做出改变的，是我连接到这种反应机制在我过去历史当中是怎么形成的。 I know from self reflection and self empathy。在 that pattern came from my father，my relationship with my father。因为我发现我的很多事情或者说我的反应机制，很大程度上是来源于我与我父亲的关系。 I know that I was not a child that really wanted to debate。That's not what I ever wanted to do。I never wanted to become a debate when I was young。

然后我又知道，但我是小时候的时候，其实我从来都不是一个很喜欢辩论的这么一个角色，我不会是那种很想要辩论的小孩子。I just wanted to be loved and accepted and understood。 I want to matter。我真的想要的是我想要被爱，我想要被接纳，我想被理解、被认可被接纳。还有我需要感觉到我是重要。 The deeper i've understood that in my own heart，the less inclined I am to hold on to debate anymore。所以随着我越来越能够连接到我用辩论这种策略想要去满足的深层这个需要时，我就愿意不会那么执着于用辩论这种策略的。

I'm happier when I can stay closer to who I really was before that imprinting。我非常开心的是我能够真的最终连接到我建立这种应急机制，反应机制之前的我。Is that helpful or connecting？ Very insightful。On the receiving and the way I see you shift it just see is it almost as if you're asking the request， this debate contribute to more connection because I think who you were before the response was one in connection。

因为我是作为Jessie的辩论的对手，我想要回应的是我其实会把他想要去辩论的做法，这个行为看作是一种他想要去连接的一种策略。就好像他其实是通过辩论来表达说，我很想跟你有进一步的连接交流。Yes，brings back to main question which is really good。Basically，underneath this practice around transforming our stress reactions。

There's a deep foundation，south empathy And self compassion and understanding oneself。That's why this course is sort of based on the self empathy course or builds from that。Because without the basis in our own self compassion and our own understanding ourselves。It's harder to transform those stress reactions without getting into judging oneself or not arguing with oneself。所以我们这一系列课程像今天的主题是如何转化应急反应，其实它是要基于我们的深层自我连接的。如果我们没有一个深层的自我连接、自我同理的话，其实你不可能做到真正的转化你的应急反应，而是变成是一种对自己的暴力，或者说就硬逼着自己形成另外一种不一定很好的一个反应机制。

（六）课后作业

So we wanna give everyone a practice this week to do。好，现在我想要给大家布置作业练习。 We didn't have time to write it up before the class。So we'll send AA message after the class to summer and kid and we said to help send everybody。在这节课之前，我们没有抽出足够时间来把写成文字，不过待会我口头说完，会把文字写给大家。

The practice this week is start to notice what your stress reactions are。 I'll describe that。这周的练习其实就是请大家开始去留意你有怎样的惯常的应激反应。 When in a stressed moment，the practice will be to take a breath。当你进入一种有压力状态，你的情绪被激发的场景之下，这个练习的第一步是深呼吸。To notice what kind of stress reaction you're having。 For example，one of the six we mentioned today。第二步是觉察自己想要进入怎么样的一种应急反应机制，就比如说刘总你们提出来的反应机制。

To notice， he thought train that your mind is on，然后留意你的头脑当时候被一个怎样的想法牵着走，也就是有没有登上了念头的火车被他拉走了。The feel whatever feelings are there in your body in that moment。然后去充分的体会当下你的身体有怎样的感觉、感受、情绪。identify or connect to any needs that are burning and present。尝试识别和连接到那些当下在你的内在，在燃烧着，在呼唤你的那些需要。And then to take a breath and make a new choice。然后再次深呼吸，然后你就可以做一个主自主的选择。So bring together a bit of our self empathy practice from before and combining it with this awareness of our reactive responses。

所以其实这个练习是结合了一点点我们之前的自我连接、自我同理的练习，然后再加上对自己的惯常应急模式的觉察，not invite you all to do that，at least twice this week before our next class。我会邀请大家在下一次课，也就是下周课前，大家至少做两次这样的练习。I wanna say thank you and it was so wonderful to see so many faces。The people I already know so many new people。 Thank you。我想最后说我非常的开心和感激和看到这么多之前熟悉的脸孔以及很多新的脸孔。好，今天的课就到这里。Of course just be here today。谢谢大家。

好。我们在下周二每次课结束以后都是这样，在下一个周二会邀请大家跟我们来一起做一次集中练习，比如说这次的作业，我们下一次就可以做一些集中的练习，然后同时我们可以来复习一下这次课上的内容，所以就邀请大家周二留出时间，来跟我们一起再来深入的探讨一下。