原文：
Yesterday I bumped into a cat on my way home. She was orange and thin. She looked like a homeless cat. No one seemed like her owner. When I was approaching her a little, she didn't step bak and made a sad sound. Like said "I am hungry, I am hungry!" I felt so sorry for her. But I didn't have anything to eat by myself. So I rushed to a convenient shop and bought some sausages. Then I returned, and she was there waiting. I peeled off one. I put it in front of her. She came close happily and sniffed at it. Then she took off proudly. Just like that. Without a Meow and vanished. What a rude cat!
优点：
表意明确，表达清楚
用词地道，清楚
逻辑较清晰
问题：
用词精准性可以提高：vocab
降低冗余度：concise
理顺部分逻辑：logic
写作等级：中级
判定标准：
1. 文章是否容易读懂：刘畅通顺
2. 是否make sense：中心明确
3. 用词准确性：准确、地道、精准
4. 语法正确度
5. 逻辑性：是否符合逻辑，把事情说得清楚
6. 冗余度：是否简洁，没有太多废话
7. 文章平衡度：整篇文章，是有理有据有说服力，还是说了太多没用的废话。
你现在的写作水平跟什么有关：
1. 你的语言基础：用词，逻辑等。到那时“某些类型”的基础并不一定有用。
2. 你的表述习惯：我想说的我就都能说出来？
3. 写文章的水平：认知，技巧，看书多少
英语思维的建立：
1. 老师的修改
2. 自己的成长：多写，多改，多读
具体修改：
1. 我们把这篇文章的用词，从“清楚”的程度，提升到“准确”的程度。
2. 修改一些语法问题
1⃣️ She looked like a homeless cat. No one seemed like her owner. ➡️ She looked like a stray cat. She didn't seem to have an owner.
2⃣️ When I was approaching her a little, she didn't step bak and made a sad sound. Like said "I am hungry, I am hungry!" ➡️ When I approached her, she didn't run away. She started meowing and seemed hungry.
问题1: When I was doing something, something happened. 表示一个比较长的事情中间，发生了另一件事。
问题2: step back 用在这里不合适，改成run away
问题3: 地道表达：
meow v. 喵喵叫
That cat is meowing. 那只猫在叫
问题4: 逻辑关系
猫叫和她听起来饿，有直接联系，所以放到一起。
问题5: 不经思考的句子
最终修改： She started meowing and seemed hungry.
3⃣️ I felt so sorry for her. But I didn't have anything to eat by myself. So I rushed to a convenient shop and bought some sausages. ➡️ I felt sorry for her, but I didn't have any food with me. So I rushed to a convenience store and bought some sausages.
衔接： 很明显有衔接关系的内容，需要衔接在一起。
看起来相近的词汇/句子，意思不同：
I don't have anything to eat. 我（自己）没有东西吃。
by myself 自己（做某事）
with me 身上没带（某物）
4⃣️ Then I returned, and she was there waiting. I peeled off one. I put it in front of her. ➡️ When I came back, she was still there waiting. I peeled off the skin of a sausage and put it in front of her.
I peeled off one. ❌ 不经思考的用词
peel 的正确用法：
👉 peel 及物动词+剥皮的对象
I peeled an orange.
Can you peel these potatoes fro me?
👉 peel off + 剥掉的东西
He peel off his wet shirt.
5⃣️ She came close happily and sniffed at it. Then she took off proudly. Just like that. Without a Meow and vanished. What a rude cat! ➡️ She went up to it and sniffed it. Then she just took off. She left without a meow and vanished. What a rude cat!
go up to…… 靠近，接近，去
sniff 的用法:
👉 sniff something 闻（离东西近）
He sniffed the milk and put it back.
👉 sniff at something 闻（离东西远）
The dog sniffed at the carpet.
成品：
Yesterday I bumped into a cat on my way home. She was orange and thin. She looked like a stray cat. She didn't seem to have an owner. When I approached her, she didn't run away. She started meowing and seemed hungry. I felt sorry for her, but I didn't have any food with me. So I rushed to a convenience store and bought some sausages. When I came back, she was still there waiting. I peeled off the skin of a sausage and put it in front of her. She went up to it and sniffed it. Then she just took off. She left without a meow and vanished. What a rude cat!
再一次精准修改：
1. 去掉冗余部分
2. 前后衔接
3. 逻辑
1⃣️ Yesterday I bumped into a cat on my way home. She was orange and thin. She looked like a stray cat. She didn't seem to have an owner. ➡️ Yesterday, I ran into a stray cat on my way home. It was a cute orange cat, but it was very skinny.
注意动物用it, 除非确定性别
减掉冗余，理顺逻辑
增加语言准确性和生动性
2⃣️ When I approached her, she didn't run away. She started meowing and seemed hungry. ➡️ It kept meowing like it was really hungry.
剪掉冗余
作者需要揣测读者的默认状态
3⃣️ I felt sorry for her, but I didn't have any food with me. So I rushed to a convenience store and bought some sausages. When I came back, she was still there waiting. ➡️ I felt bad for the cat so I rushed to a nearby convenience store and got some sausages for it. The cat was still there when I came back.
揣测读者的默认状态，去除无关紧要的信息
4⃣️ I peeled off the skin of a sausage and put it in front of her. She went up to it and sniffed it. Then she just took off. She left without a meow and vanished. What a rude cat! ➡️ I put a sausage in front of it. The cat went up to it and sniffed it. Then it just took off. It left without even touching the sausage. What a rude cat!
揣测读者的默认状态，去除无关紧要的信息。
不要让读者脑补重要信息。
终稿：
Yesterday, I ran into a stray cat on my way home. It was a cute orange cat, but it was very skinny. It kept meowing like it was really hungry. I felt bad for the cat so I rushed to a nearby convenience store and got some sausages for it. The cat was still there when I came back. I put a sausage in front of it. The cat went up to it and sniffed it. Then it just took off. It left without even touching the sausage. What a rude cat!
