1. There are no failures in life. There are only results. If you didn't get the results you wanted, learn from this experience so that you have references about how to make better decisions in the future. 

2, There is nothing you can't accomplish if: 1) you clearly decide what it is that you're absolutely committed to achieving, 2) you are willing to take massive action, 3) you notice what's working or not and 4) you continue to change your approach until you achieve what you want, using whatever life gives you along the way. 

3. The three decisions that control your destiny are:

1) Your decisions about what to focus on.

2) Your decisions about what things mean to you.

3) Your decisions about what to do to create the results you desire. 

In essence if we want to direct our lives, we must take control of our consistent actions. It's not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently. The key and most important question, then is this: what is the father of action? 

4, If we link massive pain to any behavior or emotional pattern, we will avoid indulging in it at all costs. We can use this understanding to harness the force of pain and pleasure to change virtually anything in our lives, from a pattern of procrastinating to drug use. 

indulge in sth沉湎,沉迷,沉溺 / indulge oneself in 沉溺于

indulge in it 沉迷其中

harness 利用

5, As you review your own life, can you recall experiences that formed your neuro-associations and thus set in motion the chain of causes and effects that brought you to where you are today? What meaning do you attach to things? 

6. It's never the environment; its never the events of our lives, but the meaning we attach to the events - how we interpret them - that shapes who we are today and who we'll become tomorrow. In order for a change to last, we must link pain to our old behavior and pleasure to our new behavior, and condition it until it's consistent. 

7. What are our beliefs designed for? They are the guiding force to tell us what will lead to pain and what will lead to pleasure. 

Whenever something happens in your life, your brain asks two questions: 

1) will this mean pain or pleasure? 

2) what must I do now to avoid pain and/or gain pleasure? 

The answer to these two questions are based on our beliefs, and our beliefs are driven by our generalizations about what we've learned could lead to pain and pleasure. These generalizations guild all of our actions and thus the direction and quality of our lives. 

8. Generalizations can be very useful; they are simply the identification of similar pattens. 

9. The challenge with all these beliefs is that they become limitations for future decisions about who you are and what you're capable of. We need to remember that most of our beliefs are generalizations about our past, based on our interpretation of painful and pleasurable experiences. 

10. Often our beliefs are based on misinterpretation of past experiences. Everything we do, we do either out of our need to avoid pain or our desire to gain pleasure. 

11. I've classified beliefs into three categories: opinions, beliefs, and convictions. An opinion is something we feel relatively certain about, but the certainty is only temporary because it can be changed easily. based on unverified references. A belief is formed when we begin to develop a much larger base of reference legs, and especially reference legs about which we have strong emotion. These references give us an absolute sense of certainty about something. A conviction, however, eclipses a belief, primarily because of the emotional intensity a person links to an idea. 

12. It's the feeling that we've been conditioned to associate in our nervous systems - our neuro-associations - that determine our emotions and our behavior. 

13. What are the two changes everyone wants in life? Isn't it true that we all want to change either 1) how we feel about things or 2) our behaviors? 

14. If we're going to create long-term change is that we're responsible for our own change, not anyone else. You have to be the source of your change. 

- something must change

- I must change it 

- I can change it 

15. Whatever you desire or crave, perhaps you should ask yourself, "Why do I want these things?" What it all comes down to is the fact that you want these things or results because you see them as means to achieving certain feelings, emotions or states that you desire. 

16. Without a doubt, everything you and I do, we do to avoid pain or gain pleasure, but we can instantly change what we believe will lead to pain or pleasure by redirecting our focus and changing our mental/emotional physiological states. 

17. The difference between acting badly or brilliantly is not based on your ability, but on the state of your mind and/or body in any given moment. 

18. Physiology: emotion is created by motion. The key to success is to create patterns of movement that create confidence, a sense of strength, flexibility, a sense of personal power, and fun. 

19. If you wanted to, couldn't you get depressed at a moment's notice? You bet you could, just by focusing on something in your past that was horrible. Whatever we focus on becomes our idea or reality. How you feel about things, and the meaning of a particular experience, is all dependent upon your focus. Focus is not the true reality, because it's one view; it's only one perception of the way things really are. Focus determines whether you perceive your reality as good or bad, whether you feel happy or sad. 

20. Focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear. 

21. The only way to effectively use your emotion is to understand that they all serve you. You must learn from your emotions and use them to create the results you want for a greater quality of life. 

The emotions you once thought of as negative are merely a call to action (Action signals). Once you're familiar with each signal and its message, your emotions become your friend, your mentor, your coach, Learning to use these signals frees you from fears. 

22. What is the message of these action signals? They're telling you that what you're currently doing is not working, that the reason you have pain is either the way you're perceiving things or the procedures you're using: specifically, the way you're communicating your needs and desires to people, or the actions you're taking. 

23. In life, never spend more than 10 percent of your time on the problem, and spend at lease 90 percent of your time on solution. Most important, don't sweat the small stuff.... and remember, it's all small stuff. 

Life Values: Your Personal Compass

24. If you've ever found yourself in a situation where you had a tough time making a decision about something, the reason is that you weren't clear about what you value most within that situation. 

We must remember that all decision-making comes down to values clarification. When you know what's most important to you, making a decision is quite simple. Most people, though, aren't clear about what's most important in their lives, and thus decision-making becomes a form of internal torture. 

25. We must get clear about what is most important in our lives and decided that we will live by these values, no matter what happens. This consistency must occur regardless of whether the environment rewards us for living by our standards or not. 

26. Getting "things" simply will not fulfill you. Only living and doing what you believe is "the right thing" will give you that sense of inner strength that we all deserve. The only way we can ever feel happy and fulfilled in the long term is to live in accordance with our true values. 

27. Life value - those things that are most important to you in life. For this kind of value, there are two types: ends and means. End value is the emotional state you desire. Means values - they are simply a way for you to trigger the emotional states you desire. 

28. While it's absolutely true that you and I are constantly motivated to move toward pleasurable emotional states, it's also true that we value some emotions more than others.

29. The relative levels of pain we associate with certain emotions will affect all of our decisions. What are some of the emotions that are most important for you to avoid experiencing on a consistent basis? Which value on the above list would you do the most to avoid having to feel? 

30. People will do more to avoid pain then they will to gain pleasure. 

31. What will determine our emotions and behaviors is our beliefs about what is good and what is bad, what we should do and what we must do. These precise standards and criteria are what I've labeled rules. 

32. As we develop new values, we also develop beliefs about what it will take to have those values met, so rules are added continuously. 

33. We want to develop rules that move us to take action, that cause us to feel joy, that cause us to follow through - not rules that stop us short. 

34.  Most of our emotional responses are learned responses to the environment. 

35. We certainly want to use the power of goals, the allure of a compelling future, to pull ourselves forward, but we must make sure that at the bottom of it all we have rules to allow us to be happy anytime we want.

37. Majority of people are wired for pain. Their rules make it very\ very difficult to feel good, and very easy to feel bad. 

38. What has to happen in order for you to feel________? 

39. How do we know if a rule empowers or disempowers us? There are three primary criteria: 

1) It's disempowering rule if it's impossible to meet. 

2) A rule is disempowering if something that you can't control determines whether your rule has been met or not. 

3) A rule is disempowering if it gives your only a few ways to feel good and lots of ways to feel bad. 

* What are your moving toward values and rules? What are your moving-away-from values and rules? 

40. Every upset is a rules upset. At the base of every emotional upset you've ever had with another human being is a rules upset. Somebody did something, or failed to do something, that violated one of your beliefs about what they must or should do. So if you ever feel angry or upset with someone, remember, it's your rules that are upsetting you, not their behavior. 

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43. What exactly is identity? It is simply the beliefs that we use to define our own individuality, what makes us unique - good, bad, or indifferent - from other individuals. 

44. Time and again, researchers have shown that student's capabilities are powerfully impacted by the identities they develop for themselves as the results of teacher's belief in their level of intelligence. 

45. We all will act consistently with our views of who we truly are, whether that view is accurate or not. The reason is that one of the strongest forces in the human organism is the need for consistency.

46. We all have a need for a sense of certainty. Most people have tremendous fear of the unknown. Uncertainty implies the potential of having pain strike us, and we'd rather deal with the pain we already know about than deal with the pain of unknown.