On Monday after the holiday, I still went out, pretending that I was going to the company. But I wasn’t, instead I wandered around streets to kill the rather long daytime. So why did I kill time on streets rather than at home? Good question! Because I don’t want my families to know it so soon. It’s much worse for my babbling mother to know it than the fact I got fired after the two-month internship.
As for the resignation, there are several reasons behind this: Firstly, I didn’t match up to the expectation they held for me, though I considered myself quite well in English. In detail, they preferred a translator who was good with Malaysia English, which at times is different from the English I’ve learned. With little passion, I failed to know how Malaysians use English; and secondly, I was not fond of this job. It bores me to the death to translate the boring stuff, namely the product information, the greater part of the time. I found it easier for me to be wearisome when I translated the boring stuff which doesn’t require much brain. Most importantly, I was constricted to my work, translation, and got no extension of the aspects that I liked. I want to make breakthroughs in the field where I feel passionate. However, the field hasn’t been found out yet.
After I quitted the job, handfuls of time came back and I was free again. I had imagined myself being able to do what I really want to do, but it turned out that I spent more time on screen than on the things I wanted done. As I reckoned, I grew tired of myself doing nothing all day along. Waves of mixture of emptiness and anxieties followed me now and then, and when this happened, I couldn’t help letting my emotion loose like a mad creature, which made it difficult for me to keep my brainpower focused. For countless times I had sworn to myself that I must discipline myself to achieve this or that, but mostly I failed to make the discipline into a habit and thus rarely succeeded. I always felt frustrated each time my will crumbled and discipline collapsed.
In the coming days, I have to think seriously what my life shall be, what my destiny is… before I re-hunter for a job, I’ve got to think this through.
