我昨晚突然灵光乍现，终于搞懂了老公和我昨晚为什么会不开心。我想从故事的A面和B面来讲述这个故事。
故事A面（老婆内心）：有个同事最近遇到了很大的危机，家庭不幸，父亲去世，母亲不断把生活的重担压在她身上；工作不顺，领导突然请假回国，她需要承担很多超出她能力范围的职责，结果做得效果很差，面临被公司降薪；感情坎坷，真心真意对待一个人，却不被珍惜。被告知，这个她一心一意爱的人要离开她，和别人共度余生。交友不慎，被朋友将自己是同性恋，并且被感情困扰无心工作的状况宣扬得全公司都知道了，还害的老板对她沉迷感情，不思进取的状态非常不满。我出于义愤，很想出手帮她。我知道我过去之所以能从那么糟糕的状况中挺过来，全靠身边有真心爱我的老公和朋友。于是我找她深谈了一次，同时介于她目前完全处于压力状况，无法完成超过她能力范围的翻译工作，于是我承诺会帮她完成本周的软文翻译工作。带着这种助人为乐的伟大情怀，我回家和老公进行了沟通，希望他可以帮我一起分担这个帮助的任务。我内心憧憬的是，两个人一起发自内心无私帮助一个同事，是件很美好的事情。我会很感激我的老公懂得我的感受，支持我，帮我分担一些对他而言小菜一碟的翻译工作，让我不是一个人孤军奋战，让我感觉到被他爱，也会让我感觉我们都是很棒的人。没想到，我被老公无情拒绝了。我如实相告，我帮这个同事，是出于同情的正气，而他是帮我，可以让我感觉到被爱。结果老公更气愤，感觉我在用感情绑架他，他不这么做，就成了他不爱我。他今天工作已经非常累了，还要做这些事情。而且这根本不是对这个同事好的方式。于是，他逼自己帮了我，但他很不开心。结果我的如意算盘彻底落空，被分担了，但没被爱到。
故事B（老公内心）： 我今天带队出去跑盘跑了一天，累得已经半死了。因为我老婆之前说这个同事很惨，需要帮助。我想我帮助她的方式是，可以好好地帮带她，指导她，这样她下周一可以向老板提交一篇非常棒的市场调查报告。也不用说是我给她的帮助，让老板更认可她，这样她就不用被降薪或被开除了。虽然我很累，但我觉得我很棒。结果回到家，才发现，我老婆又给我带了新的帮助任务，她竟然要直接把这个同事的翻译工作拿过来做，这个根本不是帮助同事的方式，还会让这个同事学会依赖。我跑盘已经非常非常累了，结果她非逼着我帮她一起完成翻译工作，还说不帮她翻译，就是不爱她。真是搞不懂这个女人。她看不到我已经很努力地在支持她，在和她一起帮助这个同事了吗？ 一点也不体贴我，还要拿感情威胁我。
一个故事在夫妻双方的眼中竟是完全不同的感受。我一直标榜自己很懂爱，一直宣称我不要他做满足我需要的工具，我要看见他，我要让他自由地做最真实的自己。我已经有能力自给自足，他只需要给他给得起的东西。可是事实呢，我完全看不见那个真实的他已经为我的付出，一心一意只想按照内心的想法去印证他对我的爱，去追求我想象中的那种状态。因为看不见真实的他，看不见他的累，他的苦，只是希望他能满足我的需求，配合我的内心戏码，结果导致了我非但没有享受到爱，还让双方都觉得没有被懂得，而是被伤害。
感谢我今晚突然灵光乍现，看到这个故事的AB两面，既看见了自己，也看见了他。这条爱的路不容易，幸好我们都在努力。
I was suddenly inspired last night, and finally figured outwhy my husband and I were unhappy lastnight. I want to tell this story from side A and side B of the story.
Side A of the story ( from wife’s mind): A colleaguerecently encountered a big crisis. The family was unfortunate, her daddy passedaway, and her mommy kept putting the burden of life on her; work was not goingwell, and the leader suddenly asked for leave to return to China. She had tobear a lot of jobs which beyond her ability, the result of work was very poor,and she faced a salary cut by the company; her feelings were bumpy, and shetreated a person sincerely, but was not cherished. She was told that the personshe loved with all her heart would leave her and spend the rest of the lifewith others. She made friends carelessly, her friend declared herself gay andshe was bothered by feelings and unwilling to work. The whole company knewabout it. The boss was very dissatisfied with her indulging in feelings and notbeing enterprising. Out of righteous indignation, I really want to help her. Iknow that the reason why I was able to survive such a bad situation in the pastdepends on having a husband and friends who truly love me. So I talked to herin depth. Because she was completely under pressure and could not complete thetranslation work beyond her ability, so I promised to help her complete thearticle translation work this week. With this great feeling of helping others,I went home and communicated with my husband, hoping that he could help meshare this helping task. What I hope in my heart is that it is a wonderfulthing for a couple to help a colleague from the bottom of their hearts. I willbe very grateful to my husband for understanding my feelings, supporting me,and helping me share some of the translation work that is a piece of cake forhim, so that I am not alone in fighting alone, making me feel loved by him, andalso making me feels like we are allgreat people. Unexpectedly, I was ruthlessly rejected by my husband. I told thetruth that I helped this colleague out of sympathy and righteousness, and hewas helping me so that I could feel loved. As a result, my husband was evenmore angry, feeling that I was kidnapping him with feelings. If he didn't dothis, he didn't love me. He is very tired from work today, and he still has todo these things. And this is not a good way for this colleague at all. So heforced himself to help me, but he was very unhappy. As a result, my wishfulthinking was completely lost, and I was shared, but I was not loved.
Story B (from the husband's mind): I took the team out tovisit other competitor’s projects for a whole day today, and I was already halfdead from exhaustion. Because my wife said that this colleague was miserable and needed help. I think the way Ihelp her is to help her and guide her so that she can submit a great marketresearch report to the boss next Monday. The boss will make the bossrecognize her more so that she would not have to be cut or fired. Although I amtired, I think I am great. When I returned home, I found out that my wife hadbrought me a new help task. She actually wanted to take over the translationwork of this colleague directly. This is not a way to help a colleague at all,and it will make this colleague learn to rely on. I was very, very tired fromtoday’s visiting, but she forced me to help her with the translation work, andsaid that if I didn't translate for the colleague, it means I didn't love her. I really don't understandthis woman. Can't she see that I have been working hard to support her, helpingthis colleague with her? She is not considerate of me at all, and threatens mewith feelings.
A story has completely different feelings in the eyes of thehusband and wife. I have always advertised that I know how to love, and I havealways declared that I don't want him to be a tool to meet my needs. I want tosee him and I want to let him be free to be the truest self. I have the abilityto be self-sufficient, he only needs to give him what he can afford. But thefact is, I can't see the real fact that he has paid for me at all. I just wantto confirm his love for me according to his inner thoughts and pursue the stateI imagined. Because I can’t see the real him, I can’t see his tiredness, hissuffering, I just hope that he can meet my needs and cooperate with my innerdrama. As a result, not only did I not enjoy the love, but both sides felt thatI was not understood. , But to be hurt.
Thank you for the sudden enlightenment tonight. I saw bothsides of this story. I saw both myself and him. This road of love is not easy,but fortunately we are all working hard.
