Are you a person who often refuse others’ requests ? The people who I refuse most frequently are my husband and friends. Because if I don't refuse to help them in some specific aspects, there will be endless problems waiting for me.
Yesterday, my husband told me he was afraid to go to Canada, I asked why. He said he couldn’t speak English and could do nothing there, worrying about being not able to adapt to the new environment. I was shocked why he drawa conclusion before taking action. I replied him that going to Canada or staying here actually didn’t matter, what did matter was what you want to do, all the external things were just a tool or bridge to help you attain goals. If you only wanted to live a relaxed life, the best thing was to stay at home and play computer games. But I still had the desire to explore the magnificence andspectacles of the world. He claimed he was a person without goals but laziness, which was the reason why he was scared. I replied I also spent 2 years to work out what I wanted to do, which maybe the darkest time in my life,especially when my first assumption was proved wrong after the first year, then I had to find another direction. I believed he could work it out without 2 years long. He wished that I tell him what he should do then he can just complete it directly. I refused the requirement and pushed he to do it by himself. Don’t use physical diligence to replace mental laziness.
In the past time, I used to be a laid-backperson and would like help others. But the consequence was they become too dependent on me, losing the ability to observe and judge accurately by themselves.For example, some friends used to ask me which stock they should buy. I told them to learn how to gather information and evaluate listed company through related books, naturally they would know which stock deserves buying . Sadly, they disliked doing case study, but hoping me to tell the answer directly. So I always refused unhesitatingly.
In contrast , I am rarely refused by them, I always remind them that they should refuse me if I ask too much but it doen't work. For example, one of my brothers often refuses others’ requirement on practicing spoken English, but always spares half an hour everyday to help me . I told him it’s not necessary to stop talking with others. He told me refusing others is normal because there were always endless people needing help, he couldn’t help all of them. But I was his family member, so I had priority over all of them . That’s the first time I recognized my identity in God was so blessed. Not only can I get help from sisters and brothers, but also we can identify each other in less than 10-minute conversation.I totally agreed with his opinion that to be a good person is not our goal, but to be a godly person. That is why I never desire others’ compliments or attentions by pleasing people, since God has given me overflowing love and gifts.
I am not a patient person and don’t want to talk with people who can’t speak Chinese fluently . But to my surprise, my foreign friends always have the patience to repeat , type and speak slowly when talking with me. With their help, I have made progressive progress from being able to say only vocabularies to simple sentences .Hopefully this process of transition won’t last too long . Because after I go to Canada, no teacher or classmates will repeat, say slowly, translate for me every day. Anyway, thanks for all the people who helped with my spoken English. Passing IELS exam is not the end of talking, but beginning of deeper friendship with them.
Do you often refuse others’ request ? why?
