Learned helplessness is thinking that you cannot help yourself,even if you can.
习得性无助是认为你无法帮助自己，在你明明可以的时候。

It is a felling that we have run out of choices-even if we have not.
感觉就像我们失去了选择，即使实际情况并不是这样。

Either because we do not see them at all ,or refuse to accept them as choice.
要么对它们视而不见，要么不承认它们是真正的选择。

Hence we cannot move.But we want to.We are stuck.Energy is wasted.We are more stuck....
因此我们不能行动。但是我们又想有所行动。我们被陷住了。精力被浪费。导致我们被陷住的更多....

So it means you CAN act.But you won't!!
所以这意味着你可以采取行动，但是你不会！！

Note:I am not a psychologist.Nor am I going to present a step by step 'technique' to get rid of learned helplessness.But I will present my own understanding of it - which might help a lot
注：我不是一个心理学家。我不是准备提出一步接一步的'技术'来让习得性无助的人获得解脱。而是提出我自己的一些理解-可能帮助并不大。

But why would we do this to ourselves?
我们究竟怎样才能帮助自己呢？

Because the fear of failure is so high,that we come up with excuse not to try.
因为对失败的恐惧如此之高，所以我们找不到开始的理由。

But isn't this true for everybody? We all are afraid of failure,but have to try.
但是不是每个人都这样呢？我们都害怕失败，但是又必须去做。

Yes,it is.But in this case the fear is much more deep rooted because:
是的。但是在这个案例中，恐惧更加根深蒂固，因为：
a)The chances of failure are perceived as extremely high("I tried so many times and failed","I just could not")
a)失败的机会极其高("我尝试了这么多次还是失败了","我就是做不到")
b)The perceived experience of failure is extremely soul wrenching.For instance,the perceived negative experience in losing in a race VS being a victim of sexual abuse is hugely different.Or in losing in something that your identity is strongly tied with.Then your perceived experience of that failure is much higher.For instance,the emotional impact exprienced a straight A student getting A student getting an F,vs a C/D student getting an F.
b)失败的经历是灵魂的折磨。举个例子，在跑步比赛中失利和成为一个性虐待的受害者是有巨大的区别的.或者失去与你身份紧密联系在一起的东西。到那个时候你关于失败的感知体验会格外的高。比如，一个一直得A的学生得了一个F，和一个经常得C/D的学生得了一个F。

Even succeeding dose not seem worth the risk of facing failure yet again.One dose not even want to try.
甚至成功都比不上失败带来的风险。一个人甚至不愿意去尝试。

The experience has been so traumatic,and the feeling of helplessness and hence the shame is so high, that we just give up.But "giving up" is also "bad".We want to get rid of the ugly inward felling(dissonance)...
这种体验是如此的有伤害性，这种无助和羞辱的感觉是如此之高，以至于我们只好放弃。但是“放弃”也是“不好”。我们想要摆脱这种内心丑陋的感觉（不一致）...
The justifications start kicking in...
各种想法开始涌入...
"I just CANNOT","If that happened to me,it must be my fault","If I could have ,I would have","I want to,but I lack talent","I want to ,but just do not have the time...","I want to ,but my spouse is not supportive...","I could have,had my parents been more supportive when I was young","I want to ,but it's harder than you think...".
“我就是做不到”，“如果这件事情发生在我身上，那肯定是因为我的错误，”“如果我可以的话，我就会去做”，“我想做，但是我缺乏天分”，“我想做，我仅仅是没有时间...","如果我父母在我年前的时候多给我点支持，我就做成了”，“我想做，但是这件事请没有你想的那么简单..."

The actual justifications do not matter.We all have them in differing degrees,And sometimes,they are even true!
这些理由不是问题。我们或多或少都会有，而且有些时间，它们就是真实存在的！

The indicator of learned helplessness is in the refusal to try and overcome those justifications. Because often...
习得性无助的指标就是拒绝尝试和战胜这些想法。因为经常...

Circumstances an abilities change

• You were small when you were first abused,but now you are a grown adult.

• 你第一次被虐待的时候还是个孩子，但是现在你已经长大成人了.

• Your children did not allow you time for guitar lessons,but now they have grown up.
  *你为了孩子放弃了吉他课程，但是现在他们已经长大了。

*You were dependent on your parents then,but now you have a job
*你曾经依靠父母生活，但是现在你已经有了一份工作。

• Losing now might not be that a big deal compared to when you were 16.So it's OK to play along.
  *在你16岁的时候，浪费时间看起来不是什么大事情。但是现在是时间独挡一面了。

• Investing $100 when you were 20 was much more riskier than investing $100 when you are 30.
  *你在30岁的时候投资100美元比你20岁的时候风险哟要小多了。

Because learned helplessness is more about avoiding failure,than wanting to succeed.
因为习得性无助是害怕失败大于想要成功。

And because we don't try,we never win.This reaffirms our justifications.Se we are stuck even more.
正是因为我们没有尝试，所以我们不曾胜利。在此重申我们的理由。我们陷得更深。

How can we come out of this vicious circle?
我们怎样才能逃出这个怪圈呢？

1-Stop deciding,start choosing

1-停止决策，开始选择

You might have a 100 justifications why you cannot succeed.Which may or may not be true.Not in your control either.But YOU ARE CHOOSING to not try,and find out.And that is what keeps you stuck.
你可能有100个不能成功的理由。不论它们成不成立。它们也不在你的控制范围。但是你现在选择了不去尝试，去放弃。这就是你被困的原因。

Instead try rephrasing your self-beliefs:
试着替换你自己内心的想法:

*"I just CANNOT","If i could have,I would have"，“I want to,but I lack talent"--> "So I choose to learn.Let me choose 3 things to do that..."
*"我就是做不到","如果我能做，我肯定就做了"，“我想做，但是我能力不够"--> "所以我选择去学习，让我选3件事情来做..."

*"I want to,but just do not have the time..."--> "I do not have the time. I still choose to learn the guitar.What can I let go to make time?"OR"I choose not to learn the guitar and use that time for the family".'Giving up' also becomes a choice.
*"我想做，但是我没有时间..."--> "我没有时间。我仍然选择去学吉他。我怎么才能搞到时间呢？"或者"我不学吉他了我要用这些时间来陪我的家人"。“放弃”亦成为了一种选择。

*'' I want to ,but my spouse is not supportive..."-->"OK,my spouse is not supportive.But I still want to.What can I do now to make this work? I Choose to..."
*" 我想做，但是我的妻子不支持我..."-->"好吧，我的妻子不支持我。但是我还是想把这件事情做成。我现在能为这件事情做点什么呢？我选择..."

*"I could have,had my parents been more supportive when I was young"-->"OK,so I have lost time.But I still want to.So I choose to..."OR"OK,so I have lost time.And I no longer want to.So I choose to..."
"我可以做到，如果我小的时候我父母能支持我的话"-->"好吧，我已经错过时间了。但是我还是想做，所以我选择..."或者"好吧，我已经错过时间了，而且我现在也不太想做这件事情了，所以我选择..."

*"I want to,but it's harder than you think..."-->"OK,it's not as easy as I thought.But I still want it.I am choosing to still try.How do I change my plan accordingly to address these new challenges?"
*"我想做，但是这件事情没有你想的那么简单..."-->“好吧，这没有我想的那么简单。但是我还是想做。我选择继续尝试。我要怎样修改我的计划才能赶上现在的改变呢？"

The point is not whether you choose to try or choose to give up.
重点不是选择尝试和放弃。

The point is whether you see yourself as a helpless victim who "Had no other option but to...",or as someone in control who" Made a conscious(sometimes difficult) choice and OWNED it"

重点是你把自己看成一个“没有其他的选择除了...”，还是一个“做了一个有意识的（有时候是困难的）选择而且拥有它”

2-Even giving up can be a choice.Then it becomes 'Letting go'

2-甚至放弃也能成为一个选择。这样它就变成了‘让它去吧’

Remember helplessness is not about which direction you take,but about feeling stuck.Energy is locked in,wasted.
记住无助是因为你感觉到被困住了而不是因为你选择的方向。精力被困住了，浪费了。

A victim 'gives up'.A chooser 'Let goes'. Energy is freed up and diverted.
受害者‘放弃’.选择者‘让它走’.能量变的自由和移动。

“Letting go" does not mean that it's the right thing,or that all the consequences will be sweet.It means that it's the needed thing,and the bitter consequences in the short term will be worth it in the long term.Energy will not be wasted further.Most people stay stuck here for a long time and drain themselves out(Depression)

"让他走”并不意味着就是正确的决定，或者所有的结果都是甜蜜的。这意味着这是需要做的事情，而且长痛不如短痛。精力不会被浪费。大部分人在这个地方会困很久直到耗干了精力，变得抑郁。

We are always making choices
我们一直在做出选择

• Helplessness is about explaining"Why am I stuck?"and hence choosing to remain stuck
  *无助是解释“为什么我陷住了”和选择了被困住

*Choosing is about asking "How do I become unstuck?" and hence
choosing to act.
*选择是问“我怎样才能摆脱？”而选择行动

Note that we are making choices either way-whether we acknowledge it or not.The helplessness is learnt for a reason(to avoid the shame of failure)
记住我们一直在做出选择-不管我们有没有注意到它。无助是学到的一个理由（避免失败的羞辱）

But the ensuing pain of being stuck in unhealthy patterns inevitably brings us to a point where we are forced to accept that we should act.
但是被困住的疼痛是一个不健康的形式把我们带到一个我们必须做出选择的一个点。

It would seem everybody lives happily ever after.But the real problem begins now！！
似乎每个人都在过着幸福的生活。但是真正的问题才刚刚开始。

It is more interesting to know how we FOOL ourselves into thinking that we ARE acting-without actually doing so.
有趣的是知道我们是怎么愚弄自己的，当我们在行动的时候-除了真的要做这个。

How we really fool ourselves
我们是怎样愚弄自己的
False action #1-"I have no choice but to...."
案例#1-“我除了做这个别无选择...."
That's not a choice-that's force.It's like 'choosing' to say "I love you" because someone put a gun to your head.Saying 'yes',knowing it won't work out anyway.Like driving with your brakes on.
那不是选择-那是被迫。这就像我“选择”说“我爱你”是因为有人拿着枪指着我的头。
说‘是’，知道它不工作了反正。就像是开车没有刹车。

Failure is inevitable.Not because you were not good enough.But because you were convinced you would fail.
失败是不可避免的。不是因为你不够好。而是因为你相信你会失败。

Fales action #2-"Now I know where the problem lies....which means I have started acting!!"
This is the intellectualization phase.Where we research the problem,understand it,dissect it,label it,go into nuances,perform root cause analysis,find the exact names.But do not act.
案例 #2-"现在我知道问题出在哪了... 这意味着我已经开始行动了！！"

Fales action#3-"Now I know where the solution lies....which means I have started acting!!"
案例 #2-"现在我知道解决方案是什么了....这意味着我已经开始行动了！！"
Maybe I help OTHERs to act,maybe I write awesome Quora answers on acting.Every upvote acts as validation that I am moving.If I can help a 100 people move,if 200 people are appreciating me for moving-it must prove that I am moving too,right?
可能我帮助别人去行动，可能我写了一篇关于行动的好答案。每一个点赞都确认着我在行动。如果我能帮助100个人行动，如果200个人在欣赏我的行动-这肯定能证明我也在行动，对吗？

The underlying problem is this:
潜在的问题是：
I am still afraid to act.So I will put in a lot of sincere effort,analysis,thought,study...to PROVE that I am acting.
我依然害怕行动。所以我要找一大堆真诚的努力，分析，思考，学习...来证明我在行动。

In reality,I am doing just that:"Acting"(Pretending)
实际上，我做到的仅仅是：“行动”（假装）

Choosing Vs Acting
选择和行动
Understanding the problem is important to narrow down on the possible solutions.Evaluating the solutions is important to choose the best one.
理解这个文档的关键是缩小可能的解决方案。选择最好的一个是评价方案的重要的方式。

But that stil does not mean you have acted on your choice.
但是这依然不代表你履行了你的选择。

There is only one way to find out if you are taking action...or just 'acting' as if you are.
只有一种方式来证明你是在采取行动...或者只是“行动”像你如果的那样。

Ask yourself:Are you moving?
问自己：你在行动吗？

Have you come closer to your goal?:In terms of days,knowing the end date
你真的接近你的目标了吗？要记得最后的日期。

Do you know what the goal is?:Getting a divorce?Leaving your house? Breaking up?Changing your job?Quitting smoking？
你知道你的目标是什么吗？离婚？离开你的住所？分手？换工作？戒烟？

Do you know exactly how the end point looks like?
*"Divorce" means "signing the papers and getting a court decree",not "telling your partner you will do it".
你确切的知道你要达到的那个终点是什么吗？
*“离婚”意味着“签署文件和获得法院判决”，不是“告诉你的父母你准备做这个".

*"Leaving your house"means"Picking your bags and moving into another house you have arranged" not "Beginning to hunt for a new house"
*"离开你的房子”意味着“背上你的背包到另外一个你安排好的房子”不是“开始寻找另外一个新的房子”

*"Changing jobs" does not mean taking career counselling.It means "resigning from your current job and accepting the offer letter for a new one"
*"换工作"不是说寻找职业指导。它意味着“辞掉你现在的工作并接受一个新的offer"

*"Breaking up" means "Telling your partner so,and then cutting contact".Not "Thinking about it"
*“分手”是“告诉你的另一半，然后分割清楚”。不是“考虑一下它”

Have you given yourself any end date? Or are you always pushing it due to "reasons you cannot help"?
你给自己设立最后期限了吗？还是你经常把它延期因为某些“你控制不力的原因”？

Choosing is about knowing the direction.This is the complex part.
选择是知道方向。这是复杂的部分。

Moving is about knowing the destination and estimating when you will get there. This might be hard but never complex.
行动是知道你要去的方向。这可能会困难但是从来不复杂。

But if you are avoiding movement,it probably DOES seem complex.
但是如果你逃避它，你会发现它看起来很复杂。

Do you take a long time to explain why you have NOT moved ahead? Do you need to explain? If the other person does not agree - do you feel angry? Later on,do you feel guilty?
你花时间来解释为什么你没有一直向前前进吗？你需要解释吗？如果某些人并不同意-你会生气吗？事情过去之后，你会内疚吗？

Then my friend,you are probably 'trying to move'-but not actually 'moving'.Stop justifying ,stop fooling,start moving.
所以我的朋友，你可能是“尝试行动”-但不是真正的‘行动’。停止证明，停止自欺欺人，开始行动。