Writing Day 11 20190430 gu_writing
全文翻译6：廉价航空服务+审题的要素
题目：Many people think cheap air travel should be encouraged because it gives ordinary people freedom to travel further.However, others think this leads to environmental problems, so air travel should be more expensive in order to discourage people from travelling by air. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
自学步骤一：阅读题目后，写出三个观点：
原因：
自学步骤二：翻译句子：先想词伙，在想句型，然后写句子。
自学步骤三：检查自己的翻译：先看正确的句子的词伙和句子结构，然后看错误的句子，看是否能够发现问题。
介绍段：
| 句子作用 | 中文 | 我写的 | 答案句 | 错误纠正 | 错误类型 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 背景句， | 1.廉价空航让我们可以更便宜的跨越国界去旅行。 | Cheap flights give people more accesses to have a foreign trip. | Low-cost air travel has enabled us to travel across borders at a lower cost. | 升级表达low-cost,enable sb to,across borders,跨国 | 词伙搭配 |
| 我的立场 | 2.我觉得廉价的航空服务有利于大众，虽然我们需要减少不必要的旅行。 | I argue that cheap flights |
I think cheap flights can benefit the masses,although we need reduce unnecessary journeys. | the public, 大众，reduce,unnecessary,travel不可数 | 词伙搭配， |
主题部分第一段：
| 句子作用 | 中文 | 我写的 | 答案句 | 错误纠正 | 错误类型 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 中心句 | 3.人们可以通过航空旅游去不同的国家旅游，增加对不同国家的了解，获得更多的就业机会。 | People can go to various countries , know better different countries' culture and get more employment opportunities by air |
People who travel to different countries can have a better understanding of these countries and explore more career opportunities. | travel 不可数 | 词伙搭配,时态 |
| 举例一 | 4.一些人可能去到别的国家，找到更好的工作机会，获得更高的收入。 | Some people may go to other countries, find a better job and earn a higher income. | Some people can visit other countries where they can find better jobs and earn higher salaries. | earn higher salaries,better jobs, | 词伙借词搭配 |
| 举例二 | 5.一些小生意人在旅途中可能会发现一些商机，通过进口或者出口产品获取利润。 | Some small business people may find some business chance on these trips, by exporting or importing products to get profits. | Some small business owners can discover business opportunities during their trips and earn profits by exporting or importing products. | Some small business owners, during their trips, earn profits. | 词伙搭配，语态 |
| 对比 | 6.如果机票价格上升，他们就失去这些机会。 |
|
They are likely to miss out on these opportunities, if the cost of flights is higher. | miss out on ，the cost of ... | 词伙搭配 |
主题部分第二段：
| 句子作用 | 中文 | 我的 | 答案 | 改正 | 错误类型 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 中心句 | 7.与此同时，有人认为航空服务提价可以减少航空业的环境影响。 | At the same time,some people think increasing the |
At the same time,some people argue that raising airfares can help reduce the environmental impact of the airline industry. | raising airfares,reduce the the environmental impact of ... | 词伙 |
| 解释 | 8.价格较高让人们打消去其它地方旅游的念头。 | expensive tickets take people's mind of having a air trip away. | Higher prices have discouraged people from travelling great distances to other places. | have discouraged ,时态多态性， | 词伙,语法 |
| 结果1 | 9.如果航班减少，那么飞机每年产生的温室气体就会减少。 | If the flights is decrease,so the greenhouse gas from it can drop. | Greenhouse gases produced by airplanes can decrease if the number of air fights drops. | drop, decrease, 的合适使用 | 词伙，语法搭配。 |
| 结果2 | 10，其它和航班有关的问题包括噪声污染，修建机场和相关的设施所造成的环境破坏（也会得到改善） | Other problems related to flights can get eased,including noisy, environment destroy from building airport and installing furniture . | Other problems related to the aviation sector,including noise pollution and the environmental destruction caused by the construction of airports and other facilities, will also be mitigated. | aviation sector,noise pollution, environmental destruction,construction,facilities, | 词伙，语境。 |
主体部分第三段（折中段）：
| 句子作用 | 中文 | 我的 | 答案 | 改正 | 错误类型 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 中心句 | 11，我个人觉得提高价格没有必要，因为人们应该有机会去其它地方旅游，休闲放松。 | As far as I am concerned,It is not necessary to increase the air price,because people should have rights to have a holiday by air plane and enjoy their leisure time. | Personally,I do not think it is necessary to make air services expensive to potential passengers,because they deserve an affordable holiday to relax. | Personally, I don't think it is necessary to...make sth expensive,deserve an affordable holiday, | 语法，词伙 |
| 解释 | 12.人们现在都很忙，压力很大，特别是那些生活再大都市的打工族。 | Nowadays people are busy under a huge pressure, especially those employee from rural areas in metropolitans. | Many people, especially working people living in large cities, lead a hectic life and feel stressed. | lead a hectic life,feel stressed,working people,living in large cities, | 词伙，语法,语境 |
| 结果 | 13，如果机票便宜，他们可以去远一点的地方度假。 | If the air plane is cheap,they can go some further places to enjoy a vacation. | If air tickets are highly affordable, they can travel to some exotic locations on holiday. | exotic locations, | 词伙，单复数 |
| 举例 | 14，例如，中国的游客可以去一些热带的国家旅游，品尝当地的美食，而不是在家里度假。 | For example,Chinese tourists can have a trip |
For example, tourists in China can spend a holiday some tropical countries where they can sample local food,instead of staying at home. | spend a holiday some tropical countries, | 词伙 |
结论段：
| 句子作用 | 中文 | 我的 | 答案 | 改正 | 错误类型 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 总结观点（原因） | 15.总的来说，我的观点是限制空航并不合理，毕竟便宜的航班对于大众是好的。 | In summarize,I believe that limiting air flights is not reasonable,because cheap air travel can benefit |
Overall,it would be wrong to impose restrictions on air travel, and above all, cheap airlines can benefit the public. | impose restrictions on,benefit the public.be benefit to... | 词伙搭配，介词， |
| 表明立场 | 16.航空公司可以通过技术革新来减少空航产生的环境压力。 | The air plane company can innovate technology to ease the environmental pressure from flights. | Air companies can turn to technological innovations as part of the effort to reduce the strain of the whole industry on the environment. | turn to,technological innovations,reduce the strain, | 词伙, |
自学步骤四：整体学习和检查范文，看看是否符合TELCCS原则。
Task-oriented：每句话要注意扣题，尽量出现 题目的关键词。
Extension：句子要懂得扩展，在简单的想法上增加信息，使句子变得丰富。
Linking devices：句子链接要精密，连接方法灵活有变化，前后句子要保持很好的逻辑。
Consistency ：每个句子要和中心句保持一致，和前面一句话论述保持逻辑一致。
Collocations：用词要尽量使用词伙，尊重单词的搭配习惯。
Syntax：句子结构要准确，变化要合理恰当。
粗线是词伙，横线是不同
Low-cost air travel has enabled us to travel across borders at a lower cost.
at a lower cost.和前面的low cast 重复。duplicat
I think cheap flights can benefit the masses, although we should avoid unnecessary journeys.
People who travel to different countries can have a better understanding of these countries and explore more career opportunities.
后面一个例子是关于商业的机会，不属于工作机会，cc 分数会有影响。 Some people can vist other countries where they can find better jobs and earn higher salaries.和前面一个people有重复。
Some small business owners can discover business opportunities during their trips and earn profits by exporting or importing products.They are likely to miss out on these opportunities, if the cost of flights is higher.有跳跃，为什么价格高就失去这些机会.
At the same time,some people argue that raising airfares can help reduce the environmental impact of the airline industry.可以直接用some,不再说people.
Higher prices have discouraged people from travelling great distances to other places.have discouraged,时态不符，如果是完成时，表示飞机票已经提交
Greenhouse gases produced by airplanes can decresase if the number of air flights drops.
Other problems related to the aviation sector,including noise pollution and the environmental destruction caused by the construction of airports and other facilities, will also be mitigated.
Personally,I do not think it is necessary to make air services expensive to potential passengers,because they deserve an afforable holiday to relax.Many people, especially working people living in large cities,lead a hectic life and feel stressed. If air tickests are highly afforable, they can travel to some exotic lacations on hliday.can 表示能力，不恰当。 travel to 说了很多词，影响 LR 得分。可以稍微强调一下去其它地方的好处。
For example , tourists in China can spend a holiday some tropical countries where they can sample local food,instead of staying at home. 和上面的内容有点重复。some tropical 前少了一个词。
Overrall, it would be wrong to impose restrictions on air travel, and above all,cheap airlines can benefit the public.Air companies can turn to technological innovations as part of the effort to reduce the strain of the whole industry on the environment.
提升范文：
Low-cost air travel has enabled us to travel across borders <u>more frequently than before</u>.I think cheap lights can benefit the masses, although we should avoid unnecessary journeys.
People who travel to different countries can have a better understanding of these countries and explore <u>some opportunities to advance their careers or increase wealth</u>.Some <u>young</u> people can visit other countries where they can find better jobs and earn higher salaries.Some small business owners can discover business opportunities during their trips in foreign countries and earn profits by exporting or importing products.If air tickets are expensive, these businesspeople will fly less frequently to other countries and miss out on some opportunities during their trips in foreign countries and earn profits by exporting or importing products.<u>If air tickets are expensive, these businesspeople will fly less frequently to other countries and miss out on some opportunities to grow their business.</u>
At the same time, <u>some may</u> argue that raising airfares can help reduce the environmental impact of the airline industry.Higher prices <u>will deter</u> people from travelling great distances to other locations to go on holiday or travel for business.Greenhouse gases produced by airplanes can decrease if the number of air flights drops.Other problems related to the aviation sector,including noise pollution and the environmental destruction caused by the construction of airports and other facilities,will also be mitigated.
Personally,I do not think it is necessary to make air services expensive to potential passengers,because they deserve an affordable holiday to relax.Many people,especially working people living in large cities, lead a hectic life and feel stressed.If air tickets are highly affordable, <u>they may choose to take a vacation in</u> some exotic locations,such as tropical countries where they can sample local food and <u>experience a different way of life</u>, <u>and get away from everyday life of their own countries</u>.
Overall,it would be wrong to impose restrictions on air travel, and above all , cheap airlines can benefit the public.Air companies can turn to technological innovations as part of the effort to reduce the strain on the environment.
